Tech Support

Anonymous


 

| EJF Home | Find Help | Join the EJF | Comments? | Get EJF newsletter |

 

| Families And Marriage Book | Abstract | Family site map | Family index |

 

| Chapter 1 — Marriage, The Bedrock Of Civilization |

| Next — Fred Reed On Marriage |

| Back — The Russian Effort To Abolish Marriage |


 

Index

Wife 1.0

Reply

Husband 1.0

Reply


 

Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. Wife 1.0 appears to have become memory resident and now monitors all other system activity such as:

• My Money 8.3;

• House Title 3.4.

And also appears to have deleted my favorites list including:

• Poker Night 10.3;

• Football 5.0;

• Hunting and Fishing 7.5;

• Racing 3.6.

The system, including Wife 1.0 crashes and loses all functionality when I attempt to run old favorites.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background as the packaging promised. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 and I've heard others have suffered draconian system loss upon attempting to extract Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

Reply

Top

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem approaching epidemic proportions since no-fault software was introduced in 1975. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is malware of the trojan variant often overlooked by system designers, anti-virus/spyware developers. Wife 1.0, unfettered, will attempt to run everything!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0.

Before attempting to run Purge Wife 1.1 program files, users should familiarize themselves with the following packages:

• RUDNA Dad 1.2;

• 1001 CSA Torts 1.3;

• Legal Aid for Wife 1.4;

• Your Rights (not) 1.5;

• Your Responsibilities 1.6;

• Girlie Rules of Court 1.7.

These packages appear to follow each other regardless of anything the user attempts. Most users have never heard of these packages which are not required with Girlfriend 7.0.

The primary fault with Wife 1.0 appears to arise through DSL connection, thus the speculation it is a worm variant propagating through web communications with other variants of Wife 1.0, FeralWife 2.0, or DivorcedWife 3.0.

If you do not have a copy of PurgeWife 1.1, it is suggested you install the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software conflict. Others have entered the command C:\I'm sorry in the root directory with limited success.

Attempts to placate Wife 1.0 have been known to cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software: Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

 

Warning!!! Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to hot plug SecWithShortSkirt 3.3 whilst operating Wife 1.0. This has been known to cause irreversible damage to the operating system requiring full expenditure on all aforementioned packages.

Best of luck,

Tech Support


 

Husband 1.0

Top

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as:

• Dinner/Dancing 7.5,

• CruiseShip 2.3, and

• OperaNight 6.1

and installs new, undesirable programs such as:

• PokerNight 1.3,

• SaturdayFootball 5.0,

• Golf 2.4 and

• ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

As well, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.

Under no circumstances will it run HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed, Jane

Reply

Top

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults.

Top


 

| EJF Home | Find Help | Join the EJF | Comments? | Get EJF newsletter |

 

| Families And Marriage Book | Abstract | Family site map | Family index |

 

| Chapter 1 — Marriage, The Bedrock Of Civilization |

| Next — Fred Reed On Marriage |

| Back — The Russian Effort To Abolish Marriage |


 

Added January 25, 2006

Last modified 4/11/15