Definitions Of Terms Used In Divorces


 

| EJF Home | Find Help | Join the EJF | Comments? | Get EJF newsletter |

 

| Families And Marriage Book | Abstract | Family site map | Family index |

 

| Chapter 2 — Divorce, Twenty-First Century Plague |

| Next — Divorce Survival Guide by Allan O'Marra |

| Back — What To Expect In A Divorce by Charles Corry |


 
Gender terms used here are interchangeable depending on who gets custody of the kids.

 

Alcoholic: The spouse of an alcoholic.

Appointed Counsel: A right available for DUI, but not for false allegations of Mom and her new boyfriend that you sexually molested [their] your grown children.

Attorneys Fees: Large sums of money awarded to Mom's attorney. See 'terms' and 'criminal contempt fines.'

 

Best Interests of the Child: What Mom and her new boyfriend want today.

 

Child Abuse: Visitation by Dad.

Child Support: See Visitation.

Commissioner/Magistrate: Like a judge, only different

Contempt: The only reasonable reaction to all of this.

Criminal Contempt Fines: See Attorneys Fees

Cross Examination: A right available in small claims court but not in family court.

 

Dad: See definition of Father.

Dike or Dyke: An earthen structure located in the Netherlands.

Domestic Violence: The accusation that Mom will make against Dad shortly after she shoots him, steals the car, bulldozes his half of the house, steals the credit cards, drains the checking and savings accounts, has the dog put to sleep, drowns the gerbils, kidnaps the kids and moves in with her 400 pound Samoan boyfriend.

Druggie: The spouse of a person with a drug problem.

Due Process of Law: [Reserved]

 

Ex Parte: See Family Court.

 

Family Court: Where Mom's attorney goes to make phoney allegations against Dad in violation of his professional responsibilities (and then sends Dad the bill). See also 'Wheel of Fortune'.

Father: Mom's current boyfriend.

 

Harassment: When Dad calls Mom on the phone to arrange a pickup time.

 

Insanity: See Ex Parte, Show Cause, & Family Court Attorney Rules of Professional Conduct [Reserved]

 

Joint Custody: Every other weekend and six weeks in the summer.

 

Kidnapping: See 'Visitation.'

 

Live Testimony: A right available in small claims court but not in family court.

 

Natural Custodial Parent: A woman working eighty hours a week at high-priced law firm, who can afford a divorce attorney and day care.

 

Pro Bono: Legal services performed by Dad's attorney

Pro Tem Commissioner: See Commissioner/Magistrate

 

Supervised Visitation: After Mom leaves, Dad hires someone to watch him watch the baby.

Sexual Abuse: Baths and diaper changes when performed by Dad.

Show Cause: A procedure where Dad and his attorney appear, but are not allowed to answer false allegations by Mom and her latest boyfriend.

 

Tender Years Doctrine: Under this doctrine, Mom and her attorney are permitted to behave as if they were still of tender years.

Terms: See Attorneys Fees.

Transcript: A written record of doubtful value preserved in civil and criminal matters, but not in family court where custody and visitation are interrupted and Dads are separated from their kids.

Trial by Affidavit: A procedure under which the court gags the parties and all witnesses with relevant knowledge and then permits attorneys to testify falsely and in violation of their professional duties as to matters not contained in the affidavits. [See Family Court, Ex Parte, Show Cause and Commissioner.]

Trial by Combat or Ordeal: A primitive form of adjudication used in early times. [See Family Court]

Trial by Wager of Law: A primitive form of adjudication used in early times. [See Family Court]

 

Visitation: See Child Support.

Top


 

| EJF Home | Find Help | Join the EJF | Comments? | Get EJF newsletter |

 

| Families And Marriage Book | Abstract | Family site map | Family index |

 

| Chapter 2 — Divorce, Twenty-First Century Plague |

| Next — Divorce Survival Guide by Allan O'Marra |

| Back — What To Expect In A Divorce by Charles Corry |


 

Last modified 4/11/15